I’m on a Roll and I’m trying to make things work out for everybody! Let’s test this Making Lemonade Theory on a pretty sticky wicket: my recent, shocking discovery that my own country was messing around over here in Laos without any license to do so. The best we can do now, as patriotic Americans is to shut the whole thing down. To finalize that which is spoken of in hushed tones; if its ever admitted at all: The Secret War in Laos, consisting of America’s bombing it to Kingdom Come, incidental to the air raids upon Vietnam during that well-known war.
We have a big Bicentennial-and-a-Half Birthday coming up on July 4, 2026; which would be 250 years from our Revolutionary War Victory in 1776, our official American Birthday. It simply wouldn’t be proper for us to still be engaged in covering up our own little fiasco over here in Laos, Southeast Asia, while glorying in our own Freedom Anniversary. So, let’s make these dates our Clusterbomb Cleanup timeline. To quote from my journal entry of last week when I was still reeling with my own shock of discovery:
“I have my dukes up and I’m ready to fight with America! But, you know what? There’s not going to be any fight! There may be a lot of action, but we won’t be fighting. They’d be silly to do that, since there is no question about the facts. Nobody denies any of it! I have a deadline now! The Secret War of Laos was officially over on December 2, 1975, forty-three years ago this December. That’s 8.5 months from right now! Plenty of time to purify the ground from all the millions of still-active explosives and to equip all of the continuing victims with artificial body parts, so they can lead a relatively normal life. Let’s wrap this up, like a great big Christmas Present for Laos and a Happy New Year’s gift to the world!
Let’s see, America’s Birthday this year, July 4, 2018, will be our 242nd one. That’s eight years before our big 250th Independance Day on July 4, 2026! We all remember our gala 200th, highly-celebrated, 4th of July Bicentennial Anniversary in 1976. Ironically, that was a mere seven months after they called off the dogs on Laos. Do you suppose there’s a connection? Maybe, someone in the State Department suggested that it would behoove us to change our dirty linen first?
Okay so now, before our Big 250th American Birthday Bicentennial comes around, the USA has less than a decade to “Put Up Or Shut Up!” If we can’t get such a simple task together, as a Defender of Freedom and the Human Rights of Mankind, then let the Geriatric Jokes roll!
We could have national slogan contests to make fun of Uncle Sam’s Incontinancy! Break out the adult diapers, sort of stuff!
Talk about slow! How hard can this Healing Process be anyway? Maybe we’re Impacted? Are we still pooping Bombies?
Have we lost our Hearing? Have we no more teeth to sink into a simple cleanup project? Let your hair down! Or have you torn it all out because you turned out to be two-faced? Is that what the stovepipe hat covers up? A bald pate? No excuses to hide behind? The raping of those weaker than you was never permitted! And coverups shouldn’t ever be in your bag of tricks.
Can’t get it Up, Uncle? Fifty years is a mighty long time to look the other way. Man up, United States Military! Pick up your trash! Clean up your room! Mama’s come to town to sweep this ship into shape! And, there’ll be no talking back. Or there’ll be no birthday cake for you!
Trump has already made the USA a laughing stock! This would finish the job! I think that either Hilary Clinton or Michelle Obama should run for President and put us right back together again! Well, after we women take over and clean this filthy house, that might just happen!
And, if the Secret War in Laos was indeed a pattern for CIA tricks in Syria, Bosnia and the like, then the whole house of cards may fold upon too much light of day! This will be fun! I’ll need that new Goldfish print dress I just bought!”